SLOP’s own special blend of FDA-pending ketamine supplements. Naysayers may blasphemize it as the “heroin of psychedelics,” but here at SLOP we know a little bit of ketamine can cure everything from depression and anxiety to chronic stress.

Up your f*ckability factor by banishing under-eye bags and supercharging the glow in your skin. ‘Cause sexiness comes from within.

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Banish bitches’ negativity from your energetic field with this custom aromatherapy blend of cayenne, juiced peony essence and kumquat shavings from Skipper’s own garden.

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Re-set your hormones, triumph over infertility and/or cure depression by storing nature’s energy vortex up your own sacred vortex.

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Take your meditation to the next level by returning to the source: The ultimate relaxation chamber, emulating a womb to take you back to the last time you were stress-free. Tune out the world’s demands in our soundproof pod of peace, where you’ll immerse yourself in a bath of Epsom salts mined from the fair-trade region of the Himalayas and watch all your worries float away. *Waterproof emergency remote in case you lock yourself in sold separately.

Crystal-charged aromatherapy to ward off bad vibes, with a small-batch blend of Tahitian oil, powdered diamonds and alkaline water blessed by the Pope.

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Kinda like if Lexapro had a baby with probiotics. Get your mind and bowel movements on track on the regular with SLOP’s organic psychobiotic supplements.

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Sneak in a cat nap on SLOP’s patented aura enhancing bed for 20 minutes a day to harness the power of all your chakras. Soothing and all-natural self-care at its blissiest, with zero down time (hello, lying on it IS your down time!) Did we mention the Aura Enhancer utilizes NASA’s research on the sun by mimicking the day star’s most powerful rays?

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Protest the patriarchy and Big Pharma by revisiting the most holistic of ancient healing modalities: Leeches.

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